The solution to the financial crisis

The markets need to be calmed down. That is understood. How to do it is not. I figured out a solution to the financial market crisis.

We don’t need to spend $700 billion. We need Samuel L. Jackson.

Treasury Secretary Paulson needs to hire Samuel L. Jackson to bitch slap the bejeezus out of the entire market, while yelling “Bitch, be cool!”

Every stock trader, market maker, specialist, and financial CEO must report and line up to be bitch slapped and calmed the fuck down. They will be cool and the markets will follow in being cool.

The only costs associated with this are transportation and a vocal coach for Mr. L. Jackson, as well as his fee. I propose cash, although as the crisis worsens we may need to tempt him with out choicest pussy! All volunteers who ‘spread’em for Uncle Samuel!’ get their college debt annulled.

Think about it. It’s the right thing to do. We can do it! And it sure beats any other solutions they’ve come up with so far.


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